Fr. Thomas Loya was our Men's Conference speaker in 2011 at the Basilica of St. Mary of the Assumption in Marietta, Ohio. He spoke on the Theology of the Body. There are more articles by Fr. Loya on his website: taborlife.org.
SAME SEX MARRIAGE AND THE CHURCH
Taken
from the website of Fr. Thomas Loya, www.taborlife.org.
“If
they are not doing any harm to someone else, why would the Church be against
two people of the same gender being married?”
Establishing some things up front first
Before
looking at this question itself let’s establish some things right up front. The
Church, and Almighty God, wants everyone to be happy in this life and forever
in the next life. The Church is all about true compassion, true
sensitivity, true love and true happiness. The Church will never
embrace counterfeit forms of these virtues even under pain of persecution and
death. This is because the Church loves people too deeply to ever betray them
with anything less than true compassion, true sensitivity, true love and true
happiness. In doing so the Church is manifesting God’s sensitivity,
compassion and love which Jesus Christ modeled for us on the Cross. True
sensitivity, true compassion, true love and true happiness are a function of two
things: fidelity to truth itself and accepting the reality of the
Cross. If the truth is diluted or obscured in any way, then there is be no
true compassion, sensitivity, love and happiness. There is only agenda
and self-interest.
True
sensitivity, true compassion, true love and true happiness will ultimately in
some way involve embracing the Cross and Resurrection. This will always involve
continual choices in varying degrees to die to self and rise to our true and
best selves. It will always involve putting others and the good of the
community above our own feelings, desires and self-centeredness no matter how
strongly we feel these desires.
When
Jesus Christ hung on the Cross the people going by said that they would believe
in him if only Jesus would get rid of the Cross. Yet, the Cross was the one
thing that Jesus Christ would NOT take out of the equation because He knew that
the Cross was our only ticket to true and ever lasting happiness and He loved
us too much to take it out of the equation. The Church is the same way. People
criticize and hate the Church not so much because of its “teachings” on these
moral hot button issues like same sex attraction, but because the Catholic
Church (included here also are the Orthodox Churches) is the only entity on earth
that will not dilute the Cross or take the Cross out of the equation for the
same reason that Jesus Christ would not—true sensitivity, true compassion, true
love, true happiness. Jesus was persecuted for this and so will the Church be
also. The Church is the conscience of the world and let’s face it, who
really likes their conscience? Our conscience bugs us, so we try to
ignore or silence it.
The
prerequisite of undying fidelity to truth yet of dying to ourselves frightens
us because we think that our own legitimate needs will go unmet. But it
is precisely in dying to self that we find our true selves and have our
legitimate needs met to the degree that it is possible on this side of
eternity. Having established the truth about the Church, let’s now look
at the question itself.
The question itself
First, the question itself is flawed. It reflects three things
that are characteristic of our culture and which underlie so many of our
problems and difficulty in moral discernment: compartmentalization, disintegration
and radical privacy. The question itself also reflects the moral relativism of
our times.
There
is no such thing as someone doing something in the “privacy of their own home”
and not affecting others. There is no such thing as a “private sin.” The human
race by nature is communal. We are integrated. It is like the links on a
chain. Do harm to one link and the entire chain is affected. As a society
we seem to have some understanding of this. For example, it is illegal to use
heroin or cocaine even in the “privacy of our own home.” It is illegal to
commit suicide or to take a prostitute into the “privacy of our own home.” In
fact our culture seems to be heading toward making it illegal for someone to
smoke in the “privacy of their own home.” Our society knows that abusing drugs
is harmful to someone and doing harm to ourselves will affect others because we
are communal beings. An individual who becomes an addict in the “privacy of
their own home” becomes a burden on society because drug abuse leads to broken
marriages, broken families, abuse, poverty and crime. This in turn stresses our
social infrastructures which in turn can inspire raising taxes. We could go on
and on and all of this is because someone was doing something in the “privacy
of their own home” thinking they were “not hurting anyone else.”
Secondly the question itself is flawed and in fact the entire
discussion on same sex marriage is flawed because “marriage” between people of
the same gender is simply not possible. It does not and cannot exist. So, why
are we, as a supposedly sophisticated society, considering legislation about
something that cannot exist!? We look like absolute fools!
Words
mean things and they point to concrete realities. We cannot attach just any
word to any reality we want. This is part of that moral relativism we mentioned
earlier: In moral relativism life and morality have no absolutes. Life
and morality are just anything that we want them to be, anything that we label
them to be. What matters is what we feel about them and not what the
reality is in itself. When we do this we set up a dishonesty, an illusion and
delusion which in turn hurts the individuals involved and, as we said earlier,
the whole community. Chasing an illusion can only lead to a simmering
frustration beneath a façade of happiness.
The
fact of the matter is among the population that practices a so called “gay
lifestyle” there are higher percentages of things like depression, abuse,
suicide, HIV, AIDS and colon cancer than among the rest of the population.
Although
some like to deny these realities they are nonetheless true. Since, as we
said at the beginning, the Church and God want us to be happy, the Church will
not support an illusion, a delusion or an untruth that the Church knows will
not ultimately bring about true happiness but instead will lead to this
simmering frustration and unfulfillment.
The
word “marriage” itself has within its own construct the concepts of motherhood
and gender (Matrimony=matri=mother.) Furthermore, the word “marriage” has a
French root which implies manhood or fatherhood.) If there are not two
complimentary genders, then it cannot be “marriage.” Just because we call
something by a name does not make it so. Marriage is not just “two people who
love each other coming together.” Marriage is being used today in the
same sex agenda to legitimize attractions between people which are in fact not
based in true sexuality even though that is how they are presented.
If
it does not involve people of complementary genders, it cannot be “sexual” in
the true sense. It become counterfeit, an illusion and therefore ultimately
harmful. The mutual stimulation of sexual organs leading to mutual orgasm
is simply just that. It cannot be “having sex” in the true sense of the word
because it does not involve persons of complementary genders. Same sex activity
involves bodies and the stimulation of body parts. But it is impossible for
people of the same gender to come together sexually in the way that is unique
to a female wife and a male husband. A husband and wife come together in
an integrated way—as total persons through their bodies—faithfully, freely,
fully and fruitfully. When this happens between a real husband and wife
something happens between the two of them that is mutually beneficial to their
entire persons, not just to certain body parts.
The
same sex behavior is compartmentalized, disintegrated and therefore can never,
ever, be “sex” or “marriage” in the true sense of the word. Yes, of
course two people of the same gender are putting their bodies or some body
parts together in what they erroneously call “sex.” But the truth of the
matter is that they are not and cannot actually have “sex.” Once again, the
actual meaning of words becomes critical: “Sex” requires bodies that are
complimentary and our bodies are a package deal—they include our whole person
along with them. So, if the bodies cannot truly come together in what we
call “sex”, then the persons cannot either. And sex is not just about
genital stimulation and orgasm. It is about two persons becoming a union and
communion of persons and in this way reflecting the very interior life of the
Holy Trinity and sharing in the way that Christ the Bridegroom loved and united
Himself with His Bride.
As
you can see, it is impossible to contain within sound bites the answer to why
the Church does not approve of so-called same sex marriage. There is so much
foundation, so much education and reconfiguring of our thinking and ethos that
has to take place for people to understand where the Church is coming from on
this issue and on all moral issues. However, the following bullet point type of
answers can be helpful. Note that what two people of the same gender do
actually does profoundly harm other people, and in fact the whole of society.
- Redefining marriage to mean something other than what is exclusively between a male husband and a female wife means that anything can be called “marriage:” incest, polygamy, bestiality, pedophilia, blow up dolls, or whatever!
- Civil unions lead to so called
same-sex “marriage.” In the state of Massachusetts, for example, where
same-sex marriage was legalized, students are being exposed to
instructions on the same sex agenda, pornography and illicit sexual acts.
A judge even ruled that schools do not have to give parents the
opportunity to pull their children from such exposure simply because
same-sex “marriage” is now legal in Massachusetts.
- Same sex “marriages” deny a
child a real male father and a real female mother.
- Same-sex civil unions and
“marriages” are not civil rights issues. They are not the same
as the struggle for racial equality.
- Same sex “marriage” do not
create families which contributes to the good of society. Rather they
create a naturally sterile union.
- Since same sex civil unions
and marriages in Massachusetts were legalized the HIV and AIDS disease
rates have gone up considerably.
- Children will witness same sex
partners kiss and fondle in restaurants and public places to test and
reinforce that establishment’s “marriage equality.”
- Wedding halls, caterers,
photographers, etc. will have to do same-sex civil “marriages” or be
arrested for discrimination.
- Catholic Charities has had to
stop its foster care and adoption work for children because this Catholic
organization would be forced to turn children over to co-habitating and
same sex couples. This goes against Catholic conscience.
- Either the cost for social
security, health and life insurance, etc. will skyrocket or the benefits
will decrease dramatically in order to payout to everyone’s definition of
a “spouse” or partner even if it is fraudulent.
- If pastors and priests refer
to same sex “marriage” as morally wrong according to the very order of
creation made by God and written in the Bible, they will be charged with
hate crimes.
All
of this may still leave a person with the emotionally laden question of, “But
if these two people of the same gender really, really, love each other and they
can’t be married, where can they find their happiness? After all, men and women
can get married to each other and be happy. Why can’t “gay” people also be
allowed to be happy too?”
The attraction that a person has for the same gender does
not grow out of the same source as the attraction a man has for a woman that
leads to marriage. The attraction between people of the same gender has more to
do with unmet developmental needs and/or hurts. It is not love. Love is
not about “needing” or even just about attraction. Love is about an act of a
person’s will to choose to do or to not do whatever is best for the other
person regardless of the cost to themselves. If is it not this than it is not
really love, but rather, “need.”
However,
two people of the same gender can love each other and they can even live
together. They can enjoy what between them mutually works toward their becoming
the best version of themselves, in other words, what leads to their holiness
and salvation. But this love and benefit from each other cannot be nor
should it labeled or attempted to be lived out as the same love and complementary
experience as that which can only take place between a male husband and female
wife, i.e. “sexual” in the fullest sense of the word.
Beneath
it all, every human is searching for intimacy because this is an experience of
God and God made us in His image and likeness. This means we are made for
intimacy. But we are made for a true intimacy which can only be achieved
by living in concert with God’s order of creation. The Church is the only
entity on earth that does not attach labels to people such as “gay” or
“homosexual.” This is because labeling can never be sensitive, compassionate or
loving and the Church is all about true sensitivity, true compassion, true love
and true happiness. The Church prefers the word, “person” and teaches that the
only adequate response to persons is love, respect and responsibility.
This is because the word “person” finds its definition in God. There we
go again with the all critical meaning of words and the concepts to which they
point!
In
the beautiful mind of the Church, there are only “persons.” And some
“persons,” through no fault of their own, have developed what they believe to
be a sexual attraction to the same gender. But the Church knows better about
what is really going on here and how to help that person negotiate through the
often frightening, arduous but liberating journey of truth and honesty.
It is the Church and she alone who stands perpetually ready to accompany any
person through that journey and the Church will do so every step of the way.
Post navigation
www.taborlife.org – Fr.
Thomas Loya's Website
http://byzantinecatholic.com/about-us/theology/ - His bio on the website of his parish, Annuinciation Byzantine Catholic
Church in Homer Glenn, Illinois.
http://diosteubmen.blogspot.com/2013/01/28-no-such-thing-as-marriage-problem.html
- “No Such Thing as a Marriage Problem”.
http://diosteubmen.blogspot.com/2013/01/28-freedom-of-religion-and-theology-of.html
-“Freedom of Religion and the Theology of the Body”.
http://diosteubmen.blogspot.com/2014/02/49-reflections-on-fatherhood-at-death.html
- “Reflections on Fatherhood and
Suffering at His Father’s Death”.
http://diosteubmen.blogspot.com/2016/02/90-fr-thomas-loya-responds-to.html
- “Response to Transgenderism”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTNDbU0Gc54 – Videos of talks by Fr. Thomas Loya.
http://www.mounttaborstudios.com/fr-thomas-loya - his parish’s religious book
store.
https://www.vocationboom.com/fr-thomas-loya/ - on vocations.
http://www.newemangelization.com/uncategorized/discussion-with-father-thomas-j-loya/ - a video of an interview by the new website for men,
newemangelization.com.
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