Friday, February 7, 2014

(49) Fr. Thomas Loya: Reflections on Fatherhood and Suffering at His Father's Death


Homily at the Funeral of Joseph E. Loya

By Fr. Thomas J. Loya

Monday December 16, 2013

                                                   
                                       Joseph E. Loya                  Fr. Thomas J. Loya

Joseph E. Loya had the distinction of being probably one of the few people on earth who was both a son of and a father of a Byzantine Catholic priest. This put him in the “middle,” a place he never liked being. My father never liked sticking out. But he could not help it. He was tall! He was gifted. And as my brother Timothy said before the Parastas service last night at the funeral home, “Joseph E. Loya was  truly a unique individual. “ He left an unforgettable impression on anyone who met him.

So, even in death, I will not dishonor the way that my father wanted to live.  I will try not to put him too much in the middle of our focus this day. Besides, if I did, I KNOW he would find a way to yell at me from the grave!

We honor my father by remembering those things that mattered most to him, the things he wanted most for his family what he wanted his life to leave upon this earth.

Indeed a Christian burial is a time in which we come to remember and to be thankful-- to call to mind and remember, forever, in gratitude how this person was gift.  How God, as He does with all of us, shown through this person in the ways that were absolutely unique to this individual--to celebrate that gift and be better people for it. How Providential it is that my father died during this season of gift!

On the day I received the news of my father’s passing, I sat alone in my rectory pondering the mystery of it all.  Suddenly I had a very intense experience.  It was so intense I thought maybe I was going mad. It was beautiful and frightening at the same time almost too much for me to take.   A vision had entered my mind of my father. He was young or even ageless. His face had this beautiful, warm, loving, tender countenance. It was the uniquely, tender and loving gaze that my father was capable of and which I remember from certain moments in my life even though he was basically a stern individual, the ‘Old School’ type.

And then this profound feeling came over me that I just wanted to run up into his strong arms with those big hands and have him hold me like he did when I was a child. I wanted to run into his fatherhood. The feeling was so intense I thought it was going to take me out of my body. And I wondered what was going on.  And then, I realized what it was. Through the vocation of fatherhood that my father embraced, I touched the Fatherhood of God.

Now I know intellectually and theologically that earthly fatherhood is a reflection of God’s fatherhood.  But through this experience coming only after my father’s death, through Joseph’s earthly fatherhood that is now finished, I could feel, and really know intimately the Fatherhood of God. In a time when Fatherhood is missing in action and father wound is the most devastating and universal hurt of our time, the faithful fatherhood of the Joseph Loya’s of this world is an immense gift.

As I could touch God’s fatherhood through my father’s vocation, so too, I was able to touch the suffering of Jesus Christ. 

Joseph Loya faced much adversity in life and he suffered deeply in many ways on many levels. Instead of J-O-E his name could have been spelled J-O-B (like the Prophet Job.) Fatherhood is all about spending oneself completely--taking the hits on behalf of the family regardless of the cost to oneself and to die doing so. Just like Jesus Christ did on the Cross.

I did not always understand my Father’s suffering and how I would wish that I could bring him consolation, resolution, take it away.  But as my life has gone on, as have the years of my priesthood, I came to realize that through my father’s witness of suffering, I was able to touch the meaning of redemptive suffering.  Like Jesus Christ, we all suffer on behalf of others. Another person’s suffering transforms us and our suffering transforms them.  It is one of the most priceless gems of our Faith, one of the things that sets us apart from the unbelieving world that suffering itself is never the last word. Rather, because of Jesus Christ, suffering always becomes redemptive.

But there is one gift that sums up the whole of Joseph Loya’s gift of fatherhood and his life on earth:

He would say: “I have one purpose for being on this earth—to bring you kids into this world and into the Faith and help this family get to Heaven.”

And to know the very soul of this ultimate gift of Joseph E. Loya,  we have to turn to the Liturgy of this Byzantine Catholic Church. Last Sunday, Florence Oris, from the Cathedral parish here said to me that during the last few months of my father’s life when he could no longer come to this church and attend this Liturgy my father told her that it “physically pained him” not to be able to come to church.

My father’s hope was that his family would live that Faith and get to Heaven by way of the Byzantine Catholic Church.  “I was born a Byzantine Catholic and I will die a Byzantine Catholic!” he proclaimed,” with a voice full of passion and his mighty fist pounding the table.

Why this Church?  Of all the people that ever walked this earth in the last 100 years, Joseph Eugene Loya knew the warts and dark sides of this Byzantine Catholic Church.  He lived it, was wounded and traumatized by it. He watched his priest father physically attacked in this own rectory by parishioners. All in the name of God and religion!! They dragged his priest father into court, shamed and maligned him all in the name of God and religion!! What terror this must have been for a child to witness!!  My father  knew the scandals, the divisions and schisms, the failings, the hurts, the prejudice, and the perennial confusion of this Church to know its real identity and destiny. My father had every reason to leave this Church. He had every reason to stop believing in God!!  When my father would tell some of these stories to Fr. Mike Hayduk, his pastor here at the Cathedral parish, Fr. Michael would say to me, “You know Tom, it is a wonder you father still goes to Church or even still believes in God at all!” So why would my father say, “I was born a Byzantine Catholic and I will die a Byzantine Catholic!!?”  Why this Church?!!

Because this church is not defined by its human profile, however glorious or fallen.  Most importantly this Church is not a religion. I repeat: This Church is not a ‘religion.’ It is not an institution or an organization or a cult.  This Byzantine Catholic Church is about a way of seeing--seeing the invisible, infinite, incomprehensible, immeasurable God, become visible, tangible and living according to that one and only vision of life.

It was through the Liturgy, the chant the mysticism of this Church that my father touched God.  As my father would touch God through this Liturgy, and as I could touch the Fatherhood of God through my father’s fatherhood, so too can we touch the very interior life of the Holy Trinity through this Church.  So too can we touch the suffering Christ in this Church, not just think about it or talk about or pretend.  But to really touch it.

When you love someone and someone loves you, you don’t just read a book about them, or quote things about them, or just think about them. It is not enough just to have them privately “in your heart.” You want and need to touch them.  You become intimate with them and they with you, physically, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually.  So it is between God and us. And the vehicle for that intimacy with God is this Church.  That is what my father knew and wanted above else for his family to know and to never forget.

The time of a person’s death and burial is always significant, even Providential. My father died when his beloved Church is in between two feast days of fatherhood.  This past Sunday was the Feast of the Holy Patriarchs of the Bible and this coming Sunday, the Sunday before Christmas, is the Feast of the Fore-Fathers of Christ’s entire earthly lineage. Both Sundays are called Sundays of the Holy Forefathers.

On the day that my father died, God gave us a wink and he gave my father a playful nudge. My father would struggle with certain things in our faith, as we all do:  He would say, “You hear about these guys that went off into a cave for thirty years and didn’t do anything. They sat in a cave and became saints!  Or these guys that climbed up on a pole and sat there for forty years—those stylites—they didn’t have to work for a living, pay bills support a family and they became saints! That’s what I want to do. I just want to go to a cave somewhere or sit on a pole and not have to worry about anything!” 

Well, according to the liturgical calendar of his Byzantine Catholic Church my father died on the feast of St. Daniel the Stylite!! Listen to how Providential the prayer is for St. Daniel the Stylite:

“You became a column of endurance and rivaled the forefathers, O holy one, becoming like Job in your sufferings and like Joseph in your trials, and like the bodiless angels though lived in the flesh.  O Daniel, our holy father, intercede with Christ our God that He may save our souls. “ (Tropar for St. Daniel the Stylite).

But now Joseph Loya will be laid to rest on the Feast of the Prophet Haggai. The people of Haggai’s time were called by God to rebuild the temple, to renew their Faith.  But they had become despondent and complacent under the seemingly hopeless circumstances of their time.  Haggai’s message was motivational—“rebuild this temple”, he told them. “Renew your Faith!” I truly believe that the gift of Joseph Loya’s entire life would be summed up in that same message to all of us today:  “Love this Church. Be faithful to it! Rebuild it!”  Again, the prayer for Prophet Haggai is Providential:

“Your mind was enlightened with the fire of the Spirit, you proclaimed the hidden things of God, O prophet.  You revealed what was to come, pointing to the mystery of what was to happen. Beg Christ our God to have mercy on us.” (Kontakion for Haggai)

Joseph E. Loya was the very incarnation of this Byzantine Catholic Church and this Church incarnates the gift of my father’s life.

As my father’s ultimate gift to his children was our Faith and this Church and as he himself was gift to this Church, this Church will now give to him the supreme gift that we offer to all of our deceased.  Since we are not capable of worthily remembering a person, it is the genius of our Byzantine Catholic Church that we ask God to take that person, Joseph Eugene Loya, into God’s memory.  For only God Himself can give to that person what they are truly worthy of. Only God alone can remember and love perfectly and forever. 

There is one last “wink” from God:  Every man and father has their “cave,” their personal, special space where they go to regenerate.  Dad’s have their chair, their cup, their tool, etc.  Sometimes when I was home visiting my parents and I would start to reach for a cup my mother would say, “That’s your Dad’s cup.”

Well, this morning, I was going to drink out of Dad’s cup.  When I grabbed his cup off of the shelf I noticed there was a Scripture quote on it from Proverbs 20:7: “When a man walks with integrity and justice his children are blessed after him.”  Joseph E. Loya, our father, walked with integrity and justice in this life and we his children have indeed been richly blessed!







Commentary on the More2life Talk Show on Ave Maria Radio



Glory to Jesus Christ!                                                     December 21, 2013



Family and Friends,



Below is a message sent to me by Dr. Gregory Popcak, a noted Catholic psychotherapist, author and radio host.  Twice a month I do a brief appearance on


Dr. Popcak’s radio program, “More2Life,” which is carried on Ave Maria Radio.  The program that Dr. Gregory refers to in his message was broadcast on Wednesday, December 18, 2013, two days after my father’s funeral and the day in which I was scheduled to appear on Dr. Gregory’s program.



My father, Joseph E. Loya, never liked having his life or himself personally “put on display in front of strangers.”  It is in his death that God has put my father’s life “on display” not only as a necessary and inspiring witness to many “strangers” but I also believe to reveal to my father the giftedness of his life on earth which comes to its fullness in his death.

December 23, 2013



Thank you for getting these messages around to so many people.   Today, Monday December 23rd, on Ave Maria Radio, I will do a five minute interview beginning at Noon (EDT) on the program that spoke about my father last week.  The program is "More2Life" and people can access it at www.avemariaradio.net.    


Actually I do a cameo appearance on this program twice a month.  It is hosted by two outstanding Catholics and accomplished professionals, Dr. Gregory and Lisa Popcak. The program is about how to actually life live according to Pope John Paul II's theology of the body.  It is an inspiring advice driven program that takes calls as well.


I can also be heard live every Tuesday (including tomorrow, Christmas Eve) on www.radiomaria.us.  I host a program there called, "Beyond the Veil."  And then of course there is my long running radio program, "Light of the East" which is carried on EWTN Radio affiliates all over the world.  You can access this program on www.catholicradiointernational.com.  All to my complete surprise Almighty God has opened many doors to me in media (TV, radio, print, conference speaking) in recent years which in turn are doors that are opened for the Church both and East and West.


--Fr. Thomas J. Loya

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